Троллочья чушь и все такое

[JustAMan]

Может Аливия придумает способ кикнуть личность ЛТТ. Все просто и логично.

Ага, и забанить по айпишнику, чтобы не залогинился заново

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

Это, скорее, в тему "Кто как выживет" в противовес "Кто как умрет", но такой пока нет, поэтому сюда:

Вариант с клинической смертью рассматривали? Все может быть банально просто: Ранд помирает на минуту-другую, а Найнив его откачивает.

Не Найнив. БЭЛА. Она сделает ему mouth-to-mouth и копытом CPR.

[JustAMan]

Тогда он тут же умрет ещё раз. От офигения. И окружающие тоже умрут по той же причине

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

Вот как на самом деле выглядят Троллоки (фото с последней встречи БС и Харриэт с читателями). Я всегда знал, что бедных очерняют почем зря, а они миииилые:

[vbif]

Они такие же злобные, как и тот кто их держит! (В данном случае мурдраал)

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

Как на самом деле выглядели Агинор и Балтамел, только-только вырвавшись из Узилища:

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

Может Огир как-то помогут? Ну, в смысле отрастят руку Песней?

Теперь понятно, почему никто из женских персонажей не жалуется на маленькую грудь! Есть передвижная клиника пластической хирургии без самой хирургии - Stedding Miracle Solutions с их уникальной программой BoobSinging^TM

А очередь из мужчин-жертв спаммеров в этой клинике была бы вообще нескончаемой...

[arcanis]

Спойлер

А если серьезно, то как?

что то вроде того, что если АС будут уверены в своей правоте, то они могут сказать ложь

Jordan: After taking the Oaths they would find it hard to say; even with instructions, they might not be able to say it at all, because they know it is a lie. That is the key: you can't knowingly tell a lie.

РД: после принятия Клятв, им будет трудно сказать [ложь - arcanis]; даже с указанием соврать, они не могут этого сделать ,потому что знают, что это ложь. Это ключ: если знаешь, то ты не можешь соврать.

[свернуть]

условия обхода Клятв в связи со словами РД, приведенными выше, живо напомнило мне правила Тетради Смерти и эксперименты Лайта над преступниками
может быть таковые существуют, а? а Ишамаэль в ШГ испытывает их пределы и возможности

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

От злости Ранд зарычал, пытаясь остановиться, но он был неспособен сделать это / на это.

От злости Ранд зарычал, пытаясь остановиться, но он был неспособен сделать это / на это.? ? ?
"Вот хороший  мальчик!" (с) мадам Кац.

А вообще, у вас все названия глав переведены неправильно! Вот перевод, сделанный троллоком, увидевшим оглавление TGS (одним знакомым, абсолютно ни в зуб ногой в английском, не читавшем КВ вообще никогда, и едва изъясняющегося на русском после обильных возлияний), с моими минимальными подсказками:

Спойлер

CHAPTER: 1 - Tears From Steel - Слезы отстали

Chapter: 2 - The Nature of Pain - Натуральный Пень

Chapter: 3 - The Ways of Honor - непонятно как попавшая в книгу лекция о способах передачи некоторых венерических заболеваний

Chapter: 4 - Nightfall - Сука-любовь Падла-ночь

Chapter: 5 - A Tale of Blood - Кровавый Отель

Chapter: 6 - When Iron Melts - У чугуния проблемы

Chapter: 7 - The Plan of Arad Doman - А в АД таааакой плааааан!

Chapter: 8 - Clean Shirts - Чиста рубашки

Chapter: 9 - Leaving Malden - А истина где-то там

Chapter: 10 - The Last of the Tabac - Табак и Ласты

Chapter: 11 - The Death of Aldrin - Смерть на Луне

Chapter: 12 - Unexpected Encounters - Неожиданные встречи у кассы

Chapter: 13 - An Offer and a Departure - Предложение перед вылетом

Chapter: 14 - A Box Opens - А ручки-то вот они!

Chapter: 15 - A Place to Begin - Место для бывшего премьера Израиля

Chapter: 16 - In the White Tower - А в Башне - Белые!

Chapter: 17 - Questions of Control - Где у него кнопка?

Chapter: 18 - A Message in Haste - Массаж по-быстрому

Chapter: 19 - Gambits - Кусочки гама

Chapter: 20 - On a Broken Road - На трассе Москва-Питер

Chapter: 21 - Embers and Ash - Все, что осталось от шашлыка

Chapter: 22 - The Last That Could Be Done - Как плавать с одним ластом

Chapter: 23 - A Warp in the Air - Глюк в воздухе

Chapter: 24 - A New Commitment - Новые завязки

Chapter: 25 - In Darkness - Несси в темноте

Chapter: 26 - A Crack in the Stone - Обкурившись крэка

Chapter: 27 - The Tipsy Gelding - Сивый мерин

Chapter: 28 - Night in Hinderstap - Ночь в глухой заднице

Chapter: 29 - Into Bandar Eban - Ближе, ближе, бандерлоги

Chapter: 30 - Old Advice - Старуха-советчица

Chapter: 31 - A Promise to Lews Therin - Обещанного три года ждут

Chapter: 32 - Rivers of Shadow - глава из ПЛиО о Риверсах

Chapter: 33 - A Conversation with the Dragon - оттуда же

Chapter: 34 - Legends - Сказки Тома

Chapter: 35 - A Halo of Blackness - Привет из темноты

Chapter: 36 - The Death of Tuon - Убил то ли он, то ли не он

Chapter: 37 - A Force of Light - Сила слегонца

Chapter: 38 - News in Tel'aran'rhiod - Новости по кабелю

Chapter: 39 - A Visit from Verin Sedai - Ну, седай, раз пришла

Chapter: 40 - The Tower Shakes - Диско в Башне

Chapter: 41 - A Fount of Power - Фонтан с цветомузыкой

Chapter: 42 - Before the Stone of Tear - Перед  укуркой до слез

Chapter: 43 - Sealed to the Flame - Тюлень в огне

Chapter: 44 - Scents Unknown - Ну и вонь!

Chapter: 45 - The Tower Stands - Башню не снесло!

Chapter: 46 - To Be Forged Again - Подделать заново

Chapter: 47 - The One He Lost - Потерянный Ласт

Chapter: 48 - Reading the Commentary - кг/ам

Chapter: 49 - Just Another Man - Ну что за мужики пошли?

Chapter: 50 - Veins of Gold - Уколоться и забыться

Epilogue: Bathed in Light - Принять ванну по-быстрому

[свернуть]

[R_NEW]

+5
Только вот здесь:

Chapter: 11 - The Death of Aldrin - Смерть на Луне

Причём тут Луна?  А остальное логично. 

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

+5
Только вот здесь:Причём тут Луна?   А остальное логично.  

Ну я не виноват, что в России плохо знают имя человека, вторым ступившим на Луну Но троллок, помогавший переводить, знал - сразу сассоциировал с Олдрином&Армстронгом
Только к тексту это все равно не имеет отношения - там Эдрин; а "переводилось" все с кривого скана.

[R_NEW]

Не, у меня такая мысля мелькнула... Но потом была отброшена.
[off-topic]Кстати, где можно найти некривой скан? А то всё, что я нашёл - 3,6 метровый PDF. Плохо искал?[/off-topic]

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

Нашел шикарнейшую альтернативную вики (местами оч злая, местами юмор детский, но в основном ужасно смешная) по WoT:

The Wheel of Time series expands novel by novel, and centuries come and pass, leaving behind coherent plots that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when Elayne takes her seventh bath in one novel. In one Age, called Anno Domani by some, an Age yet to come, and Age long past, a wind rose in the literary wilderness, spinning tumbleweed across an empty dirt-packed road. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings, endings nor plot resolutions to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was another beginning.

The Eye of the World

Спойлер

In a shocking break with fantasy tradition, the main character of this novel is a common farm boy with dubious parentage, and soon-to-be-discovered magical powers. In the least cliché story ever conceived, our unwitting hero Rand al'Thor flees his home under the protection of the magic-wielding Moiraine and her bodyguard Lan.
The main characters are careful not to do anything dangerous like go into ancient evil cities they have been explicitly warned not to enter, and the hero certainly does not do anything cliché like meet a beautiful princess, and nobody has any mysterious prophetic dreams foreshadowing future events.
The story culminates with the hero destroying two really nasty guys who he just met, except not really because they come back to life. He also kills the really evil ultimate bad guy, except not really because he's not really the evil ultimate bad guy and he doesn't even die anyway. So no progress really.
Oh, and there's a horse called Bela!

[свернуть]

The Great Hunt

Спойлер

The boys go looking for a horn. The boys find a horn. Rand catches on to the fact that he has magic powers.
The girls go to school to learn how to make potions, blow things up, smooth their skirts and fold their arms under their breasts. A nasty, suspicious Aes Sedai tells them to follow her through a super-dangerous alternate dimension on a journey to the other side of the world, which they must not tell anyone else about. They do so and, shockingly, get captured and enslaved. (Remember, always say NO to strangers.) (And communism.) (And anything that has to do with twilight)
Rand meets a really hot chick who really fancies him and also really wants to kill him. Then he kills the really ultimate bad guy for a second time, except not really because he's not really the evil ultimate bad guy and he doesn't even die anyway. So no progress really. He DOES end up releasing the Female Cast from the invading Japanese (I mentioned that, right?), but in the long run that was probably a bad move.

[свернуть]

The Dragon Reborn

Спойлер

After declaring himself the Dragon Reborn, Rand overdoses on saidin and goes off to play with himself for almost the entire book.
Back at Tar Valon the girls, in a totally non Mary-Sueish way, are tasked with hunting down an evil group of Aes Sedai who are much more powerful and better trained than them. After finding them, the girls are shocked when they are captured for the second book in row and have to be rescued again. This time by Mat, who they treat like shit for helping them, which will definitely not come back to bite them in the ass later.
At the end of the book, Arth- Rand draws a sword from a stone and kills the really ultimate bad guy for a third time, except not really because he's not really the evil ultimate bad guy and he doesn't even die anyway. So no progress really. On the upside, Moiraine balefires one guy, making sure he can never come back, making him the first permanent death in the series.

[свернуть]

The Shadow Rising

Спойлер

The women get naked, Rand gets new ink, Mat gets bling and Perrin gets hitched. So, after 3,078 bloody flaming pages, and Light knows how many words, somebody finally gets laid.
Also, the war-mongering Saracens(Aiel) used to be pacifists, and a bunch of man-hating lesbians take over Tar Valon.

[свернуть]

Fires of Heaven

Спойлер

Mat discovers his past lives and takes over a bloody army.
Rand discovers that sex is a useful survival skill.
Moiraine, Lanfear, Mat, Asmodean, and Aviendha all die, but come back to life. Except Asmodean, who (SPOILER ALERT!) really does die. But we don't know who killed him. So no progress really.

[свернуть]

Lord of Chaos

Спойлер

Rand sets up the Black Tower (a.k.a. The Dragon Reborn School for Gifted Boys), and puts the power-hungry manmage Mazrim Taim *cough*Darkfriend*cough* in charge. Then, after getting mind-raped by an Aes Sedai, is kidnapped by Aes Sedai, developing claustrophobia. This experience transforms him into the creature henceforth known as DARK RAND. Also, he actually starts listening to the voice in his head.
Egwene discovers the man of her dreams in his dreams. Afterwards, the unofficial Aes Sedei offically decide to unoffically make Egwene the offical Amyrlyn Seat, unofficially.
Mat leads his band of merry men to Salidar, where he tries to rescue the women from themselves. Again.
Perrin saves Rand's bacon and meets his mother-in-law, and through no fault of his own can't do anything right.

[свернуть]

A Crown of Swords

Спойлер

After learning that there's yet another Forsaken in Illian, Rand finally decides to go give the immortal a much needed ass-kicking. In the process, he cheats on his Amazon warrior princess and sleeps with a tomboy. Like any true pimp, he promptly gets shanked by a midget/wizard. However, when it finally seems that someone is about to die, he is inexplicately healed by a man-hating old witch. Fortuneately, he finally gets down to Illian and deals out some serious punishment. It's spoiled a bit when the bad guy gets eaten by a cloud, but what are you going to do? That's just life.
Meanwhile, everyone else succeeds in finding a bowl or some silly shit like that and stops the heat wave.
Oh, and Egwene turns into even more of a manipulative bitch, as though we needed the update.
Oh, and Mat might be dead. No need to go into detail.

[свернуть]

The Path of Daggers

Спойлер

Rand fights the Japanese. Rand gets his ass kicked by the Men In Black. End of book.
Oh, by the way, everyone else is still trying to stop that heat wave from the last book. Apparently the bowl is more complicated than they thought.
Perrin goes on a mission to stop Jesus. I mean The Prophet. His wife gets kidnapped by Indians, and he swears revenge !(SPOILER hes' still at it for about four more books).
And Egwene is still a manipulative bitch, go figure.

[свернуть]

Winter's Heart

Спойлер

Perrin trails his wife and continues swearing revenge. Repeat until book 11.
Mat shows up again getting introduced to BDSM by a cougar. He spends the whole book conceiving plans to escape while nursing a fear of pink lace. And then kidnaps his wife.
Rand also discovers bondage during a mind foursome with his three women. After which he knocks Elayne up and gives her a flower.
Nynaeve finally gets laid(Thank you Lan!) and helps Rand give Saidin a much-needed bath.
Also, on a sidenote, readers are spared Egwane's manipulative bitchiness for an entire book(and there was much rejoicing).

[свернуть]

Crossroads of Twilight

Спойлер

After giving saidin a glorious bath, Rand decides to kick back and get some much needed R&R and get away from the Apocalypse for a time. He also sends some people to negotiate with the Japanese, knowing fully well that they might be possibly killed and/or tortured. Or worse, expelled.
Meanwhile, Mat reveals his true nature as a pimp by going after a black women, which was prophecized by some snakes and foxes or something silly like that.
In Andor, Elayne reveals she is pregnant with twins, and they are Rand's(OMG PLOT TWIST!). Oh, but its a secret, so hush.
Egwene returns(it was fun while it lasted) and gets kidnapped by White Tower people while trying to turn rock into stronger rock. Take that Egwene.
Oh, by the way, Perrin is still at rescuing his wife. Don't give up good buddy, keep up the good work. And he gets an alliance with the Japanese( I wonder if Rand knows...)

[свернуть]

Knife of Dreams

Спойлер

After going to a "peace" talk, Rand does a Star Wars rip-off and totally gets his arm blown off. In Rand's defense, it was taken off by fire and not by a lightsaber. Oh, and it was by a Forsaken. Yeah, that might've been important. Nah.
Elayne secures the throne, Mat gets hitched, and Galad kills his commanding officer. None of which could POSSIBLY have any negative consequences.
Egwene finally puts her manipulative bitchiness to use to undermine a man-hating witch, Perrin FINALLY rescues Faile, and there is a bunch of dead people walkin' about. Another typical day in Randland.
By the way, the title lied to us. There is no freakin' knife.

[свернуть]

The Gathering Storm

Спойлер

Mat agrees to help rescue Moiraine from the tower, but refuses to give up drinking and gambling.
Egwene gets spanked. Gawyn wants to rescue her. Egwene gets spanked. Siuan wants to rescue her. Egwane learns to enjoy her spankings and forbids rescue. She then saves most of the tower from the Japanese and makes the woman who spanked her second-in-command.
Rand gets harder after choking Min and killing Semirage, discovering the importance of a safeword. Later, he balefires an entire city, killing two more Forsaken. Except not really, because one of the Forsaken got away, and the other one had been killed in the first book, and just needed to be brought up to date.
Lu- Rand almost kills his father, who senses the good in him, but he stops himself when he realizes that he is batfuck insane. He returns to the place of his death and rediscovers himself, thanking the heavens that Brandon Sanderson pulled it off.

[свернуть]

Towers of Midnight

Спойлер

In a very early climax, Rand makes APPLES!!!!! Then Rand meets his daddy(again), but this time doesn't try to rend his soul from his chest, beat him to a bloody pulp, balefire him into non-existence, or anything else that would totally freakin' kill him. Instead he has a total breakdown and probably embarrassed himself in front of hundreds of people. On a less important note, he tells Egwene that he is going to break all the seals on the Dark One's prison and let him out, which is really not a big deal so don't worry about it Egwene I've got it covered. Because nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with trusting a psycopath's plan.
Perrin, making up for the absolute nothingness he did in the last four books, becomes totally kick-ass in the World of Dreams, which makes him WAY better than Egwene ever was. Take that, Egwene. He spends most of the book in bed when not dealing with white-cloaked fanatics, shocking plot twists, or people trying to kill him.
Egwene tries to find a Forsaken, turns said Forsaken into a vegetable, and in the process almost getting killed by three Japanese kamikazes, which Gawyn had totally warned her about but she ignored him because, as everyone knows, Egwene is a bitch. She then heals Gawyn and bonds him(God rest his soul).
Mat builds explosives, gets into multiple fights with the gholam, and sends it spiraling into nothingness, and then he goes off to find Moraine in the Tower of Ghenjei. In the process he loses his eye, and learns the most shocking thing in the entire Wheel of Time series: Noal is actually JAIN FARSTRIDER!!!!!!( who'd have thunk it!)
Oh, by the way, Morgase is ALIVE!

[свернуть]

A Memory of Light

Спойлер

The Dark One goin' DOWN!!!

[свернуть]

[Shaidar_Haran_v.3.0]

Цитаты из этой вики:

You're balefired!

~ Rand al'Thor

Are you the Daughter of the Nine Moons? No? Good, let's get naked!

~ Matrim Cauthon

Listen, Faile... If I marry you, will you go away?

~ Perrin Aybara

Look Mat, just pick six numbers for me, between one and forty-nine. Never mind why, just do it!

~ Rand al'Thor

Not right now, I'm taking a bath.

~ Elayne Trakand

Not right now, I'm taking a bath.

~ Ishamael

Not right now, I'm taking a bath.

~ Loial

Nynaeve angry! Nynaeve channel! ... right after I've had a bath.

~ Nynaeve

The Light knows I've needed that bath for a long time

~ Saidin

Rand and Perrin are good with women, but not me.

~ Mat

Mat and Rand are good with women, but not me.

~ Perrin

Perrin and Mat are good with women, not me.

~ Rand

I like me some of that dark chocolate.

~ Mat

I don't care what any of you douchebags say, I'm not a bloody lord. Now where is my manservant?

~ Mat

Haha, stupid Aiel's gonna get...oh shit!

~ Sammael, not paying attention to the obvious danger

And we would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those meddlin' dice!

~ Eelfinn and Aelfinn

Mat, deal with the Seanchan. Egwene, chill. Logain, take care of the Black Tower please. Min, read your books and Aviendha NOT RIGHT NOW! Lan, don't die, Nyneave would kill me. Galad, you're my half-brother. Moraine, I'll listen to your ideas later. Alanna, get out of my head. Cadsuane and Alivia, get my sword that is not a sword. Perrin, you're with me. And Elayne, what do you mean, you're late?

~ Rand al'thor, A Memory of Light

THIS.. IS... RANDLAND!!!

~ Rand. Hell yeah.

Big Brother is watching you.

~ Shaidar Haran

I AM SHAI'TAN!!!!

~ Ba'alzamon, just being crazy

MORIDIN, NOT RIGHT NOW. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TAKING A BATH?

~ the Dark One

[R_NEW]

Oh shi~ Они проспойлерили AMoL!!1111
И цитату потеряли!

Never believe the ebil.